You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
