I wish I could teleport
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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