I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
