Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
