I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
