I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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