Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
