Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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