he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
