If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
