he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
