At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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