You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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