Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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