Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All the doctor said was why
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
