i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
