she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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