please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
