just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
