Non-Jews are for practice
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
