Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
