in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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