May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
