that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
