Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
