I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Couch. On fire.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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