TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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