I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
