i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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