I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
