So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
