people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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