i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
