Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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