You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize