my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize