Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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