you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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