I just threw up on my dentist
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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