Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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