Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Found your dick twin last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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