Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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