Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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