It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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