Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
