Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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