that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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