So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
