I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
