i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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