I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
