Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
did you just send me my own nude
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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