STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize