eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
