i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i now understand why vodka
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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