Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
