he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
