This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
