so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
