Rock
Scissors
Fuck
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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