I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
