I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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