we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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