gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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