I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
