if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
