I wish I only lived at night.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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