I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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